Six Tips for the Sex Talk… by, Vanessa Van Petten

by KidsSafe on September 22, 2012

I want to thank Vanessa for sharing this important subject and some solid tips for parents everywhere to help them with a very difficult topic for moms and dads! But, it’s also important you to talk to your kids now, because if you don’t’ they will talk to someone else and/or they’ll learn about IT the hard way!! (There are some strong words, but is all in the context of the subject).

I know, you do not really want to hear about this topic.  I wanted to send an email with some tips on this tricky subject because it can be very overwhelming, but is so so so important to get right.

1) No Stories
I am usually a huge supporter of telling stories to relate, and often find them helpful when trying to understand a new concept or trying to explain one. But, I think no matter what, any kind of story you want to bring up when talking to your kids about sex will lead to full-fledged blushing and uncomfortable feelings.

SEX Talk

2) Use Correct Words
Thank goodness my parents didn’t try to replace penis and vagina with the words garden hose and flowerbed. If you are talking to teens, I always think it is better to use the real words for body parts, sexual acts and STD’s.

3) Keep it Brief
This one is pretty simple, and I think that most anyone would completely agree. There is no need to drag it out…be direct and tell them the facts.

4) Warn Them its Coming
I always tend to do better when I know that my parents and I are about to have a ‘talk’ whether it is about money, sex, school, job or general seriousness. I always get really defensive and closed-up when it is sprung upon me in a car or before a movie and I think most teens feel this way. So if you want to have a talk with them, casually mention it; “Hey son after dinner I hope we can go grab ice cream to talk about some stuff” or “honey, this weekend you and dad and I are going to talk, just wanted to let you know.”

5) Leave the Door Open
At the end of the conversation, tell them they can always, anytime, come back to you for more questions. Most likely, your teen will want to end the conversation as quickly as possible and will ask minimal questions, but it is important for them to know that they can always come back to you for any later questions.;

6) It’s OK to Laugh
No matter what, this will be an awkward conversation. It is ok to say at the beginning of the talk that it is as uncomfortable for you, as it is for them. They might actually appreciate this. And sometimes, if it gets really uncomfortable or there is a piercing silence, it’s ok to just laugh about the situation, take a deep breath, and try to start again.

To your success,

Vanessa Van Petten

Vanessa Van Petten is the author of Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I’m Grounded.  Her parenting website written by 80 teen writers,Radical Parenting.com has been featured on CNN, the Wall Street Journal, Teen Vogue and much more for being a leader in the parenting space.

We would like to thank our guest writers on the Keeping Our Kids Safe Blog! We feel it’s a honor and pleasure, to have others participate and contribute to the great content, advice and opinions on and in this Online World, we all live in… help us, help them, by supporting and visiting their sites!

*post resources & notes:

How to Talk to Your Parents About Sex

Having the Sex Talk with Your Kids

See what sexual pressures junior high school students are now facing… Middle School Girls Talk About Sex Video

Talking the Talk: Discussing sex with your tweens and teens can help them make better choices. Here’s how.

Talking to Your Kids About Sex

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